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Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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12:53 pm
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Ugh... All I wanna do is eat until my stomach explodes, and drink until my brain explodes. I've been feeling bored, and empty and hollow for days, and even feeling drunk and full to bursting, then puking it all up, would be much better then this. At least I would be feeling SOMETHING.
But I'm past that. I'm recovered. I have to keep telling myself that it's just too much god damn work and effort anyway.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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1:32 pm
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So it's been months. My diet has gone back to normal with minumal purging.. (maybe once a month or two) and I'm not thinking so much about how much I weight anymore. I've gone from 105 to 110 pounds, but haven't gone past the 110 mark, which is why I haven't been freaking or slipping back to my old habits. I'v also got things to look forward to, like school. I don't feel as stagnant anymore. Funny, after losing those 15 pounds, I never gained it back when I stopped indulging in mia.
That's good though. I'm confident to say that I can finally close the book on this chapter of my life. I'm starting to think that it was just another way of my depression manifesting itself, since I was mia for less then a year.
Anyway, onward to the future!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 3rd, 2005
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11:24 am
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YAY! I'm back from my visit to NS. And after being stranded at the airport for three days, I'm glad to be home again. I'll make a longer post later, since I got lots of stuff to take care of right now.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 13th, 2004
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11:30 am - The first step...
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For a year now it's been building up. No confidence, depressions, obsession with the way I look. All that's about to change. I'm feeling so much better about myself, even though sometimes I don't have the right control. I've made a decision, and although it's not the healthiest one, it's making me happy and making me able to forget about my dumpy stomach and chubby thighs. Now, when I go out, I really DO feel beautiful.
Many that don't know me wouldn't expect this. On the outside I'm a beautiful, friendly person. On the inside it's very different.
People eat too much anyway. Did you know the people only need ONE LARGE MEAL's worth of food per day to live healthily? That is, of course, depending on your activity level. But I'm reffering to most of us who don't exercise. That's IT! But here we are, all shoving out faces full of food. No wonder that most girls past their early 20s are starting to look chunky around the waist. And honey, it doesn't get better with age.
So far I am not fully against the norm. I eat 2 very small meals per day (like a bagel, or a mug of soup) and satify myself with that. If I get hungry later on, I drink a cup of veggie juice, and I take my vitamins every day. I do situps every night, but really, that's the only exercise I get. In 1 month I've dropped 3-4 pounds. Not an unhealthy rate if I do say so myself. I give myself 2 days per week to just eat what and how much I want, but I'm making sure that I don't indulge in bingeing. Cramps from being too full are NOT fun.
Anyway, this is just a diary to catalogue my progress, my feelings, and thoughts. It's NOT a cry for help. I do NOT want to be told that I'm not being smart, that I'm being stupid for the sake of looking good. BUT I also expect that if I ever get to unreasonable levels that everyone who reads this will tell me. And if you already know who I am, then please keep it to yourself.
This journal is a friends only journal.
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